Should You Care Less About Your Job?
The main reason I quit my job - rather than thinking about what I want to do next while gainfully employed - is that I found it impossible to get into the right “mindspace” to figure it out. I had time on evenings or weekends, but I was so mentally wiped that I only wanted to do mindless stuff.
I wish I knew there was a way to start releasing the pressure at work so that I could feel ready for exploration outside of work. Strangely, it wasn’t working less or shifting responsibilities - it was changing my mindset.
A common piece of advice around changing mindset at work is “care less”. In the book “No Hard Feelings”, authors Liz Fosslien and Mollie West Duffy write, “caring too much about a job is unhelpful and unhealthy… Be less passionate about your job… care more about yourself”. Let’s look into what “caring” might mean:
What is the element of fear or anxiety in our “caring”? When we respond to emails at all hours or commit to timelines that require personal sacrifices, how much of that comes from fear that we won’t be valued or get promoted if we don’t do those things? There’s a big difference between working hard on a presentation because we care about the success of the company or appreciate the opportunity to contribute, and working hard because we’re afraid our boss will think less of us otherwise. Which is it for you? Start noticing how much of your caring is due to fear or a sense of inadequacy and how much is excitement or a desire for impact and growth.
Is part of our “caring” stress about things that are outside of our control? We think that if we work hard enough, consider every possible scenario and monitor other people closely enough we should be able to control every outcome - hence we feel stress when something doesn’t go as planned. We tie our well-being to everyone thinking or doing exactly what we expect them to by the timeline we deem appropriate. In reality, we control a small part of the outcome - the part that is our responsibility. I’m all for taking full responsibility - by planning ahead, doing our part to influence others and especially learning from mistakes when they happen, but not by thinking we can control the entire universe and stressing when we realize we can’t.
For example, if a boss asks you to change something at the last minute and you disagree, it is within your control to explain the repercussions, including your ability (or inability) to complete the project according to expectations. If they go ahead with it, at that point it is outside of your control. If you need your boss to agree with your point of view in order to feel ok, you are putting your peace of mind in the hands of another. Just noticing when it happens can help shift this pattern.
Is “caring” just keeping ourselves immersed in unnecessary drama? When bad things happen we feel feelings - anger, sadness, disappointment. As we should - repressing feelings is very unhealthy. But at some point we need to let go and move on, especially if it’s feelings that fester and eat us alive, like bitterness, unfairness, self-recrimination etc. Where are you letting that happen? Where are you not just handling a problem that arises or learning from a failure, but also clinging to unnecessary angst around it for days, weeks or months later?
It’s not about caring less, it’s about looking more closely at the layers of meaning we assign to our work that aren’t helpful. They are what creates our suffering. They are also optional.
Passion and caring, on the other hand, are not; they are what makes our day-to-day more meaningful - and a lot more fun.
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