Cast a Wide Net
After talking about the reason to seek community support, let’s get concrete about how to actually find it.
My obvious advice is to talk to people about what you are thinking or going through. Share that you’re looking for more meaning at work, experimenting in an area of interest, or needing a change. My less obvious advice is to broach the subject with a much broader group than you’re comfortable with because it’s not always your closest circle that will provide the most support.
Initially, it might seem like a personal topic you’d only want to discuss with the people closest to you. Looking back, it was nearly impossible to predict people’s reactions to sharing my journey. Neither the strength of our relationship nor their level of contentment in life were great predictors of people’s support or willingness to discuss these topics. Some very successful and seemingly happy people told me they struggled with the same questions, while close friends I knew were unhappy dismissed me offhand with a “That’s nice” or “Good luck!” I had massively underestimated both people’s desire to think deeply about their lives and their ability to live in complete denial.
In my close circle, people’s concern for me sometimes made them less likely to encourage me to take risks. You may get the most resistance from the people who love you the most, especially if they haven’t walked a nontraditional path themselves. Strangers might see more possibilities for you than family or friends—hence my recommendation to talk to as broad a group as possible. Don’t spill your deepest secrets right away—drop a hint or two and see if they get picked up.
Some of the people you meet would love to discuss these issues but won’t bring them up because they’re afraid you’ll judge them or think they’re crazy. Society is more likely to make us feel guilty for wanting more than to encourage us to pursue greater fulfillment. The right people will be ecstatic to find someone who understands that being grateful for their lot in life doesn’t conflict with seeking further growth. From there, a connection can form quickly.
A source of community that I didn’t think of as such initially was people I discovered through podcasts, books, social media, etc. I took a lot of inspiration, encouragement, and comfort from the stories of strangers who went against the grain and took risks like abandoning promising careers to pursue their passions or publishing work they didn’t think was good enough. They helped me see that I could do it too and that I didn’t need to be an overnight success or know exactly where I was going to get there—no one does. When you dive into such stories you see the cumulative effect of taking one step at a time, since, as Bill Gates said, “most people overestimate what they can do in one year and underestimate what they can do in ten years.”
Finally, everything is easier in community, but be careful not to fall into the trap of telling yourself that you need to find community in order to take or sustain action. Sign up for the class. Make the tough decision. Put your work out there. It’s your actions that help your community find you.
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