The (Sneaky) Power of Intention

I recently saw a close friend struggling with a difficult situation. In a conversation with them, I shared a personal story that I thought could help them decide what to do.

I was emotionally aware enough to not presume to tell them what to do. Instead, I shared what I did in a similarly challenging situation. To my surprise, they quickly got angry with me. I didn’t understand why—I was vulnerably sharing my own experience to help them think through their challenge! Why were they so mad?

Afterwards, I thought about my intention when entering the conversation. That’s where things got murky.

We typically think about “intention” as a goal. Sometimes it helps me to think about it in terms of who I want to be in the situation or what role I want to play, rather than what I expect to get out of it. The intention with which we enter a situation has a massive impact on the outcome. 

I realized I unconsciously entered the conversation with my friend with judgment on what they should do—not with the purity of sharing the human experience and trusting them to make the right decision for them. They sensed it and called me out on it, even though I didn’t say anything to that effect or realize that was my intention. My ego can be very sneaky (and I hate to break it to you, so can yours). 

Intentions can be an ego minefield. For example, when it comes to helping people, we often do it because we think we know “what’s good for them” like I did, or because we want to "look good"—a goal that isn't remotely altruistic. It’s a subtle but important difference. The situations that don’t turn out the way I expect are usually ones where my intentions weren't clean or fully conscious. They are great reminders to always question and clarify my intentions to myself.

To live a truly authentic life we need to be fully aware of our intentions; otherwise our ego, not our true self, happily runs the show.

Can you think of a recent situation where your intention may not have been as pure as you thought it was?

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