What Kind of Life Do You Really Want?
Several exercises helped me start to define more clearly what I want my life to look like when I’m free of limiting beliefs and social expectations. I’ve recommended them to many people since and usually at least one of them clicks and gives the person some new insight about themselves.
A Day in a Life
In her interview with Tim Ferriss, "How to Design a Life”, Debbie Millman suggests an exercise she calls “The 10 Year Plan for a Remarkable Life” (the 10-year timeframe was meant for college students, more experienced people may want to use 5 years):
What would a typical day in your life look like in 5-10 years, if there were absolutely no fears or barriers and whatever you wish for could come true? From the moment you wake up in the morning to the moment you go to sleep at night, describe everything in detail - yourself, your surroundings, your activities, the people you’re with, your feelings. In Debbie’s words: “Dream big. Dream without any fear. Write it all down... Put your whole heart into it… Write like your life depends on it….because it does. And then read it once a year, and see what happens. It’s magic.”
The full podcast is worth a listen, but if you’re only interested in the exercise start at 1:29:30 and listen to Debbie describe it in detail for about 10 minutes.
Your Future Self
The Coaches Training Institute (CTI) has a visualization exercise called “Meet Your Future Self”, another powerful tool to tap into the “knowing” inside of us - the inner mentor, the innate wisdom that we so rarely use in this hyper-analytical and ego-driven world. There are several versions on YouTube; I like this one by Tara Mohr (it’s free but requires a signup; Tara often sends insightful emails about deepening our connection with our true self).
The Most Important Life Questions
Vishen Lakhiani, founder of Mindvalley, talks about getting clarity on three key questions about your life, which he calls “Most Important Questions (MIQs)”:
What are all the experiences you seek in your life? Think what you’d like to have done by your last day on earth.
What are all the ways in which you’d want to grow and be a more creative human being (e.g. things to learn, skills, character building, emotional or spiritual growth etc.)?
In what ways do you want to contribute to the world (e.g. family, community, city, country, world etc.)? How will you make the world a slightly better place?
Write these as a stream of consciousness, without overthinking or constraining yourself by money and time. Vishen explains further and leads you through this exercise in this audio segment.
My Tips for You
Block time on your calendar right now to actually DO these exercises. Just reading about them won’t help you live a more fulfilled life.
Go in with no expectations. The exercises may not reveal anything earth-shattering, but they will likely get you thinking in the right direction, which may lead to insights at a later date (e.g. actual dreams. Yes, while you sleep!).
Don’t include anything that is externally-motivated, e.g. intended to fulfill someone else’s expectations of you, defy or prove something to someone, make someone else feel good etc.
Re-read what you wrote several times on different days. Notice what makes you feel the best or pulls at you the most.
Consider revisiting the exercises at a future date that feels right. You may discover your perspective changed, or confirm what is a persistent desire.
Sweet dreams!
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