A Misguided Guilt Trip
In the name of doing good for others, we sometimes adhere to societal beliefs that disempower us—and don’t help others in the way we intend.
My entire career has been in business and technology, where there are too few women, especially in senior positions. Throughout the years I did my best to hire and mentor other women. When I considered stepping back from my technology career to focus on creative endeavors, I noticed a feeling of guilt. I knew that if I stayed in tech as either a traditional ladder climber or a startup founder I could pull other women up with me. Stepping back felt like abandoning a cause that was very important and personal to me and letting down my entire gender (yes, I was a tad melodramatic).
This guilt stemmed from judging this situation by the patriarchal set of beliefs I adopted. We were taught to see our careers solely through a lens of status and financial success; if I was no longer pursuing that in technology, I wasn't "helping the cause" of advancing women like those who stayed. It finally dawned on me that I could have more impact by following the path that makes me come alive and encouraging others to do the same. Can you imagine a society where everyone does that, even part of the time? It’s so much easier to help others when I know I’m on the right path than when I’m questioning why I’m on the path at all.
I speak to many parents who believe they don’t have the time or can’t afford to make room in their lives to pursue their own growth and happiness. While this may be true in some cases, in others it's a limiting belief that implies it’s better to model to children putting other people first no matter the personal cost, or prioritizing status and a larger income over happiness. An alternative could be to model making different tradeoffs to pursue a path of more growth and fulfillment, trusting that it will lead to better results in the long term.
Do you have any noble intentions you may want to look into?
Found this post interesting? Subscribe at the bottom of this page to receive new posts by email.
