Your Self-Worth May Be Failing You
Why do so many hard-working, high-achieving people, who make a sincere effort to make a career change, fail to find their dream career?
As I wrote before, it’s not about finding a more meaningful career; it’s about becoming the person who can allow themselves to see what their true desire is, and then pursue it. But what is the key to starting that transformation?
Surprisingly, an overlooked driver of much of our behavior: Self-worth.
Society teaches us from birth to anchor our self-worth to extrinsic measures: Recognition in the form of praise or prizes, social acceptance as a result of alignment with other people’s opinions, and various “badges” we collect throughout life (e.g., job title, compensation, degrees, marital status, etc.). We also attach our self-worth to the skills, abilities, and experience we have that the outside world values.
Almost any project or alternative career outside the realm of what we currently do is a (temporary) step down on every measure of self-worth: Status, title, compensation, recognition, skills, and experience—all of which take time to acquire in a new area. So if we’re not aware, our subconscious sees high self-worth being replaced with low self-worth and blocks that path. Even if that path is compelling to our very soul, if that path threatens our current sources of self-worth without immediately providing alternatives, we won’t take the leap.
Quitting our job to find a dream career often makes things harder, not easier—it immediately removes much of our external value, creating an urgent need to replace it with at least an equal source of value, but there’s nothing to replace it yet.
We start telling ourselves stories that seem like irrefutable truths. “I can’t afford to keep this search going” (from people who have made millions of dollars), “I really love <something about my previous job that is totally applicable to many other fields>”, “I’m sure I can find <some magical company that will be totally different from my previous one>”, “My spouse said <something unsupportive>” (if there no possible scenario where you realize your dreams and your spouse is supportive, maybe the problem isn’t your career), etc.
The solution? Awareness, and cultivating our sense of intrinsic self-worth—valuing ourselves independently of any external feedback.
We need to recognize that we are worthy because we are. No one is born less worthy, inherently deserves less than anyone else, or has to earn their worth in some way before they are deemed worthy. Beyond that, worth is determined by the totality of who we are and our life experiences and deeds, not by some rank or badge someone else bestowed on us. Our life should feel worthy to us, not to anyone else.
If we are great leaders, we’ll still be great leaders even if we don’t lead anyone for a while.
If we make a lot of money today and no money tomorrow, we’re still the person who can make a lot of money.
If we try a new career, there’s no universal law that says we’re less worthy than those who stay in the same career for 40 years.
Finally, worth should not operate on a timeline. The more we can “delay gratification” on our external worth, the faster and easier it is for us to find our true path.
This transition in thinking isn’t always immediate, but we can build ourselves up over time, while maintaining as much of our current work and life as we’re comfortable.
You’ll never be the best leader, doctor, strategic thinker, artist, gardener, or founder, because, unless you’re in a narrow competitive field like running, there’s no absolute measure for what “best” is.
But you are the best <all the things that make you, you> ever born.
Anchor your self-worth to being more of that.
Found this post interesting? Subscribe at the bottom of this page to receive new posts by email.
