A Different View of Power

I heard Elizabeth Gilbert say in an interview that there’s a word that’s missing from the description of powerful women: “Relaxed”. She’s right (I told you I’m a big fan). In fact, in my ~20-years in Corporate America and the startup world, I can’t remember anyone I would describe as “relaxed” - man or woman, certainly not the senior ones. Even when people were having fun, it wasn’t true relaxation - everyone was always on edge: “Do I sound clever?” “Should I try to get this guy on my team?” “Can I say this in front of these people?” “Is she getting more important roles than me?” There was so much self-consciousness, insecurity and a desire to project some idealized image that no one was ever truly present.

The secret no overachiever has figured out yet is what Elizabeth Gilbert sees so clearly - relaxed people are the most powerful people. We are attracted to such people because they are totally themselves. They don’t try to influence others’ opinions of them. Their gaze doesn’t have to linger for that extra nanosecond to see how their audience reacts - they behave the same whether the audience approves or not.

Practicing living as your real, authentic self rather than letting your ego run the show also means practicing needing less approval from others. The moment you seek approval is the moment you snap out of your authenticity and into someone else’s vision of your life - giving away your power. So the more authentic you are, the more powerful you are.

Where in your life are you not relaxed?

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